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[21 Apr 2009|10:35pm] |
this is where it all happened
where
we left
our cigarettes
wine stained couches
bike grease
and she would sometimes miss the ocean
and he would sometimes build tin can telephones
sewing holes in clothes with dental floss
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[04 Dec 2008|09:54pm] |
im a shitty friend.
i have become a total flake.
i never pick up my phone.
i never reply texts.
my phone being a piece doesnt help.
but still its no excuse.'
i hope to come back to montreal dependable and a better friend because i really fucking
suck right now.
im sorry.
i love you.
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[19 Nov 2008|10:14am] |
i want to do a ten day meditation, get the fuck out of all the cities that have let me sleep in them.
life is good my brain is just full of flying objects,
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[16 Nov 2008|02:30pm] |
i havent slept alone in a long time.
lame.
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[11 Nov 2008|09:44pm] |
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i have a ten page essay to do now. fuck my life.
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[08 Nov 2008|09:29pm] |
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help i'm alive my heart keeps beating like a hammer.
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[08 Oct 2008|12:21am] |
experiencing university.
i fly home tommorow, prepare for this business .
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[26 Sep 2008|01:31pm] |
i have a big crush on my ta,
she used to live in van
and we used to go to punk shows at seylynn hall together with the same people but on barely remember eachother.
shes soooooo cute.
and by cute i meen the aft girl who dresses still kinda girly and whos heartstrings get pulled by politics,
its pretty amazing.
in other news , well the same news really, i have lost my hussie skills, no but really, everyone just becomes my friend . so basically all my friends are really hot.
(same as in van) ;)
im riding in critical mass today it should be splendid, but it will be scary because people drive like idiots here. traffic lights are just suggestions in montreal.
ciao my darlings
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[19 Sep 2008|03:52pm] |
hokay,
tonight party with suicide girls,
tommorow work at the bike shop
tomorrow night see sigur ros
sunday do homework.
then cat comes over and e drink tea and chill at my place.
oh and also, a boy tried to take me home lastnight.
hehe
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[18 Sep 2008|11:33am] |
im about to go to school, i have 8 hours of class today, fuck , me , sideways.
in other news sarah is bartending tonight shes the best.
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[18 Sep 2008|02:02am] |
ok so first of all I love you all very much,
Alex, Marc, Tanis, Malloreigh, and Roxy,
you are all such loves of my life.
oh and Everything is great here but it would be so much better if you were all here with me.
oh and I still havent kissed anyone, its weird not being a hussy for more than a week. nevermind three weeks.
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[15 Sep 2008|12:48am] |
Take a picture of yourself right now.
don't change your clothes, don't fix your hair... just take a picture.
post that picture with NO editing.
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[05 Sep 2008|03:30pm] |
my body has given up.
its like you need to stop drinking so much, stop smoking so much, stop partying and start sleeping and taking care of yourself.
im sick,
im cleaning my room right now its going to be hot damn,
i have a wall of PBR its pretty funny all empties of course.
i need a cord for my camera then i will post some photos.
oh and also have i told you all lately that i love you?
lastday i was sitting outside of the visual arts building and this cute girl comes up with her sparkly eyes and asks me for a light, we end up talking and going out for bubble tea, shes cute is getting her masters in theater and lives a 2 minute walk away. oh yeah and she TA's for some of the kids in my building i cant wait to walk out of my room with her.
in other news All the girls in Montreal look gay but then you realize that they are just french, and definatly not gay.
stupid beautiful french girls.
oh yeh and the boys in the city are cute as soon as they open their mouths for example theres this boy in my drawing class who is beautiful but hes a fucking idiot. he is so dying to be hipster it makes me want to vomit. using words that he clearly just looked up in urban dictionary. but its a ok because my drawing teacher can see right through it and kept making fun of him.
all my teachers are gay men. i love them .
miss you all
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[03 Sep 2008|09:14am] |
i have school today il be back to tell you how it went.
oh and also i am helping a cute girl fix her bike at the store. ]
my bike is so sexy you will want to cheat on your bike with my bike.
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[29 Aug 2008|03:54pm] |
hokay so i miss you all terribly.
life is swell.
this city is amazing.
i want you to all come sleep over.
love, sam
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[26 Aug 2008|06:03pm] |
dear everyone. i love this city.
i havent gotten with anyone yet.
close calls but no cigar so i am still winning my personal bet,
although i think that thursday might swing around and break m bet because i have met some pretty hot people who are single and yeh.
its really sunny here
and i am working at a non profit bike shop that is pretty much like ocb
im building a sexy machine for me self and i cant wait to show you all pictures.
anyhow
i just did groceries and bought vegetables i am so stoked.
actually all i bought was celery, fennel , dates, carrots, and palm hearts.
yummmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
everyone please come over.
now.
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[18 Aug 2008|09:31am] |
the last,
its funny really,
no really
how im using, living, tasting the last bits of the things ive always seen as being to heavy, too full.
like my last sleep with my household together
the last time my mother tucks me in
the last fight i have with my mother while living under her roof
the last time i sweep the kitchen floor
the last time i have a chance to have a bad dream walk down the hall into my parents bedroom and sleep next to their heartbeats just to calm down
calm down.
calm down.
this morning i woke to a missed call from a lover i have yet to kiss but have early to love.
and my heart was as dry as my mouth
empty of words and full of want, need, desire.
i got up for a glass of water went to lay down and then thought of how all i wanted to do was kiss my love and tell her to kiss me like it was my last kiss, and for her to say, you get kisses all the time, and for me to say that none of them will ever sink like bullets to bottom of that glass of water soft like feathers on the necks of birds to succumb to sudden insecure movements that pull my every breath in and out of me,
because sometimes when you think your hurt you walk into the edge of somtthing and your stunned,
not because you feel vulnerable,
but because you know that the only way to deal with the pain is to embrace it.
embrace, similar to the french word for hug,
but with less sympathy, but with enough interest to captivate a feeling and take it for all its worth .
so kiss me because this is my last kiss,
for it will be your first
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[16 Aug 2008|06:49pm] |
lASTNIGHT,
happened.
went to lick end of story.
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[14 Aug 2008|11:15pm] |
she called then had to go because her boyfriend came over.
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[13 Aug 2008|01:51pm] |
lastnight i took a photo shoot for Alexa, it was hot, some nude at wreck some at a studio.
she called me thins morning saying that she was thinking of me and that she is so so happy to have me in her life.
i feel sick.
in other news "lastnight girl" 's boyfriend seems a little ticked off with me.
which means she told him. bollocks.
im causing love crimes just so that i can run away from this city without a heart.
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[08 Aug 2008|04:20pm] |
dear girl one, tonight we are going on a date hopefully, i met you at pride and your hot.except i feel bad not telling you how old i am. tonight i will be truthfull.
dear girl two , tomorrow night we are going on a date and you asked me which is cute except i duno what my boundaries are because you have a boyfriend and he thinks im pretty cool last time i checked. but your cute as hell.
dear girl three your hot , ill fit you in my sched at some point im sorry i have been rather busy.
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[04 Aug 2008|12:59pm] |
im not thinking of leaving even if i have only 16 days o pack up my shit and press pause on this part of my life which is vancouver.
instead ive been walking at night with assortments of cigarettes in my bag and my eyes fixated on the sky.
Pride weekend,
on saturday i went the the dyke march, it was decent. I went to stellas, lazed around a lot, smoked a lot, laughed a lot
then we went to lick which was pretty sweet and we met some people and some pretty lame people.
you see the thing is if you asked me on sunday morning how lick was i would say amazing,
but if you ask me now i would say it pales in comparison to my sunday.
OH YEAH alexa ditched me this weekend, she is " so sorry " i miss her but im laying low.
on sunday i went to pride , it was packed and i was far too hot and far to sweaty , and hungover.
but hanging out with everyone and running into exes when you look a lot better than you did really rocks. then we picked up some lickher and sat on the grass, ran into some everyone sat with the people i wanted to see and was in close proximity of those i would be quite happy never seeing again . everything was fine and dandy until drama occurred , and i was fed up,
not because it boggles my mind that the same drama with the same people and the same issues can arise weekly, but because its times like those i feel really fucking lonely, that fact that i was fed up and everyone else loved what was going on and watching it like their favorite tv show. anyhow
i left with cori peter and shawn for sushi and it was amazing. i love their company and i love how peter does nt get mad if cori and i touchy, feely.
and how we all kissed goodbye and shawn and i went off to the youth dance,
we were not allowed in because it was full but i really did'nt care. i sat outside and smoked watching people who were my age and thinking that i have nothing in common, except for being queer and i realized that that is'nt even remotely a reason to be around people that are a waste of time.
hehhehe so the youth dance got shut down and people stared pouring out and i was in a bitter mood. i said bye to everyone and walked to richards on richards singing to myself old english punk rock songs.
i got there and was pretty lame sauce out because it was the over 30ish crowd and i was alone.
BUT! then i see this really cute girl and i stood at the corner of the bar making eyes with her and being far too nervous, i went out for a smoke and came back in , i saw her alone in the bar line so i looked at he rand said hi and we took a second to focus on our conversation and off each others eyes, i introduced my self and i bought her a drink , we then went upstairs and find a quiet place to talk, shes 29 in "21" and we and touchy feely as fuck,we talk about gender , and wonderful things and she then says does it scare you that i am 29?
and instead of answering in a sentence i decided to nod no and kiss her.
it was hot. by the end of the night we were grinding on the couch upstairs and getting awkward looks from the bartenders because we were the last few people in the bar.
as bad as it sounds we could'nt stop ourselves.
she said "dont wait the 3 day rule"
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[29 Jul 2008|02:01pm] |
im drinking yerba mate with agave nectar and it is rocking my world.
yesterday i did all the icbc shit, and i was really emo because i cant work and what not.
so i called alexa and told her i missed her and that i was being emo .
she said that she will call me after her 6 45 dance class which ended at 8 30
instead she called me at 6 and picked me up about 3 minutes later and took me to her place so that we could do arts and crafts.
its shit like that that makes my body have earthquakes,
or when i wanted to smoke and she wouldnt let me and i asked her why and she slowed down the car and looked deep in my eyes just to say "because i care about you"
and when she wrote me poetry when i was painting.
fuck'
lastnight was pretty intense,
especially when she said " i feel like i should apologize because im going to sleep at his house tonight" and when i told her that i'm the only one she doesnt have to apologize to.
she wore a different perfume lastnight before she went to his house.
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[27 Jul 2008|03:05pm] |
she came over this morning in her "pjs" clearly she sleeps naked and therefor looks like a vogue model in "pjs" .
cute, my mom and her walked and talked and laughed and then we cuddled in my bed and my sister came along and read shel silverstein while in went under the blankets acting like a child scream"tent! tent ! look tenttttttt!" she had to go soon after and we had to wrestle in order for her to get out of my bed. it was cute. like on he verge of sickly sweet cute.
today i have a date, with someone i met at the folk fest after party who found me at critical mass and rode next to me and flirted the whole time, hot, yet far too old for me, but i don't care i told alexa she said "hot" and said she approved i told her i was nt excited because my heart was somewhere else right now , but i really wanted to tell her that she has my heart and every time i think about anyone else i feel sick. but i did'nt, because deep down i hope that she knows, and in truth i think she does , in fact i think i have some of her heart too. not immediate heart but like for the cold winter, heart.
sometimes i wish i was bigger , or everyone was smaller just so i could hug everybody at once and tell them all at the same time that i love them.,
ps , alexa my mom and i named the tomato plants today.
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[26 Jul 2008|08:24am] |
so , i went to critical mass, and on thelions gate on my way home a truck pulls a u turn and hits me!
so my knee is fucked, but i can still walk, but that fucker is going to buy me a new bike!
and some massages, maybe some comp for my landscaping job.
dope.
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[23 Jul 2008|03:54pm] |
Dear everyone im am very sorry, but this is my life at the mo,
"Hey love.
I hope you are having a blast right now. I hope you meet ellie soon, you and her will get along fabulously. she is a wise sage and has a biting wit to match. I'm really glad to be here, today was intense with david and i and he is like the sun in that i look at him and i can't see anything else and i lose myself and screw rationality and everything. I wrote some poems to start to get my thoughts in order and I haven't totally struck at what i'm trying to get at but when i do get there i'm going to send these all to him. He understands my writing better than i do sometimes and I think this may be one of the only ways to get through to him. anyway i miss you.
here are the two i wrote tonight.
xo"
Alexa,
i left the party
it was driving me mad
all i could think about was how i wanted to go to home depot and buy every tool, every type of glue and tape to put you back together and then someone said you cant fix people
and then i thought that at least i could hold your wound together until you cells could get it together to scab, and id hold away your hands so you wouldn't pick to make a scar last longer than it should
this has been the most intense week of my life, yet the most real
and at times i couldn't decide whether or not i was rooted into the ground or if i was a balloon released from a child's hands covered in ice cream.
its odd
but beautiful,
come back so that the moon and the stars will be back in the sky,
i'm so blessed , honored, happy, content, that you are in my life,
i miss you.
your words in written form settle deep within , makes me feel like there is a core further than our vertebreas .
id say more but i know that when we hold eachother and say nothing we speak volumes .
_ me (text) - did you get my message?
_reply(text)- I was just about to text you , Yes I did, it was a deeper reassurance that I need you in my life. Your words were perfect.
and this morning she calls to tell me she is in home depot but shes there not to buy things for fixing but to find a mouse trap that wont hurt the mouse in the house in victoria.
I wish they sold butterfly nets because there are about a billion inside of me. again. but this time they are staying.
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[23 Jul 2008|12:31am] |
this is where i stand.
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[21 Jul 2008|02:02pm] |
yesterday we went to folk fest together
we blasted music on the way there and laughed until our abs became steel
we got there sweaty a mason jar full of water in my hand and butterflies in my stomach, which is a redundant description because they have become vetrans to my body as of recently.
i couldn't stop touching you, even though i knew i had to stop
after i swept the grass of undesirables we left and walked to the car in the moonlight, picking up caffeine and undressing and dressing up
we got there and i snuck marc in and walked away from alexa because i knew that today i fell a few times. after running into a few beautifull friends and meeting some charming strangers we stood around making music with people whose hearts beat like sounds of pots and pans and the preasure seals on mason jars. we went off to the car singing songs that we knew were written about us, we stood on each side of the car and threw our hands over the roof to hold hands and sing and loose our minds in eachothers eyes.
we sat and drove with my hand on the back of your neck running fingers through your hair you started to cry and would smile when i wiped your tears it was so heavy yet stunning i didnt know what to do with myself we dropped off marc and drove she pulled over and lost it her mask, her poly filler happiness. i pushed my seat down and she climbed over i held her so tight and let her cry we got it together because we we cuddeled up and were about to fall asleep we drove to my house and sat in the car and talked a lot more and then i cried, i couldnt do it anymore, i cant do it anymore, im not the strong one i was in the little world but in the big world im nothing but somone with a voice and some materials , as she held me i realized that being strong had nothing to do with anything, and not being the tough one all time isnt that bad.
she drove over this morning so that i could give her my i pod i made her limeaid with blueberries and packed her some fruit sat in her car and listened a song and then she had to go to work
everything is so confusing right now.
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[16 Jul 2008|09:31pm] |
we met last night
we both exchanged eyes and words
singing to the sky until stars came out
we rode our bikes to the moon and sat under blankets on steep hills
its surreal how we just met and how
everything seemed to fit together
our words in each others ears
my hand on your ribs
your hand on my neck
your eyes my eyes like the moon in revolutions with the earth
i told you i wanted to kiss you and how i shouldn't
because your heart isn't beneath your ribs right now
you asked me if i was the kind of person that people fall in love with
i told you no, and held you close
so close i could hear your heart beat
you have the cutest heart beat i have ever heard
you told me all hearts beat the same
i told you that is impossible
i kissed your heart and you started breathing deeply
so deeply the ground beneath you separated from your lower back
so deeply you bit your lip
so deeply like i was falling
like i am falling
like you are falling
like we almost fell riding our bikes stuck in following the sidewalks of each others words
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[07 Jul 2008|12:35pm] |
today im taking myfriend to the clinic. woot.not
and then and then im purchasing my camera ,holyfuckingshit,its so beautiful and. tonights ocb ladies night. and im building a new bike.
i love my new landscaping job it brings a tan, a fit body, sexy cuts from trees and money into my life. i need to quit my coffee shop job. it kills me.
and perhaps i should buy a hooked on phonics cd as well as a grade 5 spelling workbook. im pretty sure i lost my spelling skills and grammar skills once i bashed my head long boarding.
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[05 Jul 2008|12:54pm] |
rad hokay.
i just made the best tofu scramble ever.
im so fucking full. ust thought i should let you all know<3
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[04 Jul 2008|10:40am] |
ok so ali rachel danielle and i meet up in west van then ali drives us downtown where we meet at the art gallery for people. no one showed up. so we went the hamburger mary's and ate to kill time. we then went to lick thinking maybe people would be there because they could'nt meet up earlier. we go in everyone in there was really old and really unattractive. okay thats not fair all the attractive people had fierce girlfriends and there were maybe 4 other hotties under beer goggles . so we figured wed wait around some more in this awkward situation. moral of the story my friends did'nt show up. i was bumbed. ali rachel and danielle were going to "get sam drunk off her ass"
we went to celebrities no one was there but my ladies bought me drinks. lots of drinks. then we stumbled over to numbers. which i used to think sucked but last night was pretty fucking amazing, we met some randoms gay ,men and their token sexy fag hags . the bartender kept giving me drinks caus "its your birthday hunyyyy" and i got sloshed we played spin the fucking bottle..... which pretty much was hilarious when you play with gay men , gay ladies, and straight women, one of which was really cute but was engaged heheh and the other one was in a 7 year relationship so i got sloshed, ali brought the car over and we pulled over caus i needed to chunder(puke) and i got home danielle helped me open the door caus i was too drunk.and walk down the stairs to my bedroom.
so in all the night was good but im hella dissapointed in a few of my friend none of which have a livejournal so you guys still have my heart.
it just sucks when you make your birthday on a thursday because one of your friends has friday off even though partying on thursday sucks and they dont even show up.
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[02 Jul 2008|03:33pm] |
tomorrow night, (thurs) my birthday , at lick night club, pre drink and dinner meet at 7 30 at the VAG call me !!!!
604 970 6628
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[24 Jun 2008|11:13pm] |
today was rad,
wrote an exam(lame)
chilled on the beach flirted with lifegaurds in training
went to the naaam
bought some beer sat on th beach
and then (drumroll)
found a skateboard!
the one ive been eyeballing
no one was left on the beach and crowd of drunk preteens left so i felt like karma was like hey sam! enjoi this!
so i took it
but if someone sees me riding it and says they lost theirs at the beach ill give it back.
ace.
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[23 Jun 2008|09:13pm] |
my suicide girls account is back, good times.
in other new my bike is acting up again.
im going to fix it before critcial mass.
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[21 Jun 2008|12:59pm] |
hokay so
things are good
im tired,
i love my friends.
lastnight i mc'd a poetry slam and read one of my peices and it was fun. after that my friends and some randoms went on an adventure with beer.
i love sitting in parks at night and cuddling with your friends and biking fast through empty streets.
lastnight people wanted macdonalds. gross.
and only the drive through was open , being a kind hearted soul i said "okay guys tell me what you want and i will bike through" any how an employee walked to the "next window please" window and said "we dont serve bicycles"
i laughed, and laughed, and then some teenagers behind me who were cheering me on the whole time said hop in so i did and bought my friends plastic food.
the end.
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[18 Jun 2008|11:05pm] |
thursday study and work out
friday study wake up meet up with danielle go to ocb fix the bike that we found abandoned so we can ride together
mc and perform at the poetry slam
saturday study and work out
sunday work and study and work out
lame sauce
i love things today
except this morning weather fucked with my head again
and sorry my lovelies for the really mo' post yesterday
im not really a mo' yesterday i was just really in my head.
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[17 Jun 2008|10:02pm] |
i wana get my old riot grrl cd's and scream in my room.
i miss punk rock shows
i miss the sun
i miss the time before i ever had crushes
i miss the times when i could go for at least a month without a hook ups
ugh
ever get sick of the person you are when your not alone?
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